As happy as I am that people are becoming aware of our blog, I’m more than a little frightened that the fans of “The OC” have started posting material from our site as if it was actually news and actually accurate. The clearly did not read the disclaimer.
So, I’d like to clear up a few things about Benjamin McKenzie and our Round Table Discussion yesterday:
- I did not ask Benjamin whether he wears boxers or briefs. He is a professional actor and I am a world-renowned astrophysicist. I would never ask such a personal and invasive question. Besides, we were both at the Dreamworks/Nickelodeon Orgy the other night and I know that he wears the same thing I do.
- I didn’t ask him what he wore to bed, he didn’t refuse to answer, and I didn’t give him a shot to the head. Darrien was just making a joke… cuz she’s, like, totally jealous that I got to sit next to Ben, and, like, he totally likes me better than her cuz I rule and she’s just a skank.
- That wasn’t really a bottle of Stella Artois (le booze officiel of the festival de Cannes) that Ben was drinking at the SAGIndie Barbecue. It was really our own mixture of Red Bull,* Ketamine, Ephedra, psilocybin, and pesto sauce.
- Pell James and Ben are not an item. They met for the first time at our Barbecue, and although they got along very well, they left separately and didn’t even exchange numbers. Ben did, however, hook up with our publicist Rene, Catherine Deneuve, and several of the Troma Girls. And Pell and I were married yesterday in a private ceremony in Monaco.
- Ben didn’t reveal to me who his “OC” character was going to sleep with next. I’ve actually read bootleg copies of next season’s scripts (that I downloaded using Morgan Freeman’s new anti-piracy technology), so I already knew that Ryan is going to have a hot, illicit affair with Republican Congressman Rick Santorum.
- Almost everything we write on this blog is either an outright lie or, at the very least, should never be taken too seriously. Except this:
- I met Benjamin McKenzie for the first time two days ago and was blown away by how intelligent, funny, unpretentious, and generous he is. I interview quite a few celebrities and never know if they’ll be as interesting and engaging as they seem. The Round Table with Ben was one of the easiest sessions I’ve ever done. Even though he’s relatively new to the business, he has a lot to share and is one of the smartest, most business-savvy actors I’ve met. He’s also a genuinely nice guy.
*My friend Rick and I discovered that Red Bull is illegal in France (We were searching for absinthe, which we found out is now also illegal here now. Our waitress at my favorite restaurant in Cannes suggested that we go to Spain). As Rick pointed out, “This country allows fourteen year-olds to drive their Vespas on the sidewalks at three in the morning with open bottles of wine, but they have a problem with the caffeine content of Red Bull?”
So, we went to the “Sin City” party last night. It was one of those exclusive, buzz-worthy events that people were dying to get in to. That should have been my tip-off. The venue was really cool but there weren’t that many people there, no one was dancing, the sushi (which I didn’t try… fish have faces… but it was reported to me) was rubbery, and they started running out of booze two hours into the party. I guess the highlight was when George Lucas walked in. I wanted to approach him and ask him if he got any satisfaction out of the fact that it took him six films to ruin his franchise, but it only took the Wachowski Brothers three to ruin theirs… but by that time they had already run out of Scotch and I wasn’t drunk enough to be thrown into the street…
